From January, 1969, when I resigned form the Interior Department on the day of Nixon’s inauguration, until January, 1971, when I returned to college at FSU, I spent all my time as an environmental activist (well, I did have a project funded by Shale Niskin, of Niskin Bottle fame [see addendum], of the University of Miami’s Marine Institute. I designed an instrument that could measure the dumping of pollutants in the field to prove violations of clean water rules by tracking the Dissolved Oxygen in water in the field unattended, but my idea was ahead of the available technology for it to work).   

I had helped to defeat the Jetport the Dade County Aviation Authority was building right smack dab on the middle of the northern boundary of Everglades National Park. In fact they built and paved two runways with no public hearings whatsoever. They are still there. During the public hearings at the Dade County Commission I challenged Dick Judy, head of Aviation, for a quote he gave the Miami Herald:

“I don’t see what good the Everglades are. My kids can’t play there!”

Me:

“Mr. Judy, I suggest your kids can’t play on a jet runway either!”

Of course I got the laughs.

So one day I bummed a ride back to Miami from Florida State in a VW bus with some other guys. We had driven down the west coast and were heading east from Naples across Florida on the Tamiami Trail, when I said:

“Pull over across the road on the left there!”

It was late at night. There are no streetlamps in the middle of the Everglades. It was dark.

I believe to this day governments put up a piece of plywood painted white, and in black stenciled letters is the name of the project and the guilty parties bragging about what they are doing. Well, the jetport had just such a sign. I am writing this in the confidence the statute of limitations has run out:

“Let’s steal it!”

We had enough tools to cut it off the chain link fence at the entrance, and used our belts to strap it to the flat roof of the VW bus.

“Now what?” I was asked.

“I have a friend in Coconut Grove where I am sure we can hide it!”

Bob Ingram was a folksinger who had played with David Crosby and others. His group was called Ingram’s Hiway, as he lived just off Ingraham Highway in the Grove! His wife Gay was a diver who was a body double for actresses in films such as the Abyss for Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.

By now it must have been past midnight when I knocked on Bobby’s door.

“Spitzer, what are you doing here at this hour?”

I beckoned him over to the bus, loosened a couple of belts and lifted the sign up enough for him to read it.

“You stole the Jetport sign!”

I told him I figured we could store it face down on top of the flat roof of his carport until we figured out what we wanted to do with it.

And we all promptly never gave it another thought. Until…..

Years later Bobby was a member of IATSE (The union, The International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees), the people who put it all together so performers can perform. He was telling another former folksinger, George Blackwell, who has or who will appear in posts, about their frustration with the local’s leadership and their benefits. George knew I was an expert in employee benefits and arranged for the three of us to have lunch together in Coconut Grove. It had to be the 80’s by now.

We are walking down Commodore Avenue to the restaurant and pass a bunch of guys Bobby knew sitting at tables on the sidewalk drinking coffee. Just like the Pink Floyd song:

“That one’s a doctor. That one’s a lawyer. That one’s a dentist.”

And then Bobby’s take:

“They’re all retired. I call them Jews without Jobs!”

So after I explain to Bobby how impossible a task it would be to get any control over their benefits, I asked if he and Gay still lived in the house off Ingraham Highway.

“No, we sold it and moved years ago.”

“Did you ever do anything with the Jetport sign?”

“Oh, hell, it’s still on the roof of the carport!”

Well, if you look at a satellite map of Coconut Grove you will not see a single rooftop as it is an overgrown subtropical hammock. The falling vegetation would have long since converted that piece of plywood to mulch, so not a problem. But FUNNY!

A Niskin bottle is a plastic cylinder with stoppers at each end in order to seal the bottle completely. This device is used to take water samples at a desired depth without the danger of mixing with water from other depths.